What if he came today?

My Baby is due Today. But I haven't had any signs yet that he will be here soon. I haven't lost my plug, I don't have any contractions, I don't feel differently, I don't bleed at all. The only sign I have are lots of e-mails in my mailbox asking about my progress. Or should I say his progress?

This is my first little one.

I was thinking maybe he would come early and I would hold him in my arms at Christmas but nothing of that sort. A friend made the comment he might be the new year's Baby, but nothing like that happened.

He is very quiet during the day. Only every once in a while I feel him shift around. But in the evening's when I sit on the couch and work on my laptop, then he moves. He shifts his whole body around, sticks a foot into my ribs, leans to one side, and then to the other. About every other day, he has hickups. I can't fall asleep whenever he has hickups.

Happy Birthday.

Today I ate a piece of chocolate cake, with chocolate frosting. After I was done eating, I sang happy birthday to him, but I didn't get any response. Then I went on a walk, but he must have just enjoyed the rhythem of my steps.

Last night I dreamed about him.

Once I had a dream about him. He was early. He came out so easily. There was no pain, nothing. He just came out. And I dreamed he fell of the dresser, but he wasn't hurt, because he was asleep when he fell. You know, babies that sleep can't get hurt. He also knew how to speak. While he was inside of my stomach, he could here us talk the whole time. Of cause he had learned it by now.

We talked about politics and about the British. He had some interesting views and I enjoyed listening to him. My little baby.

But now I'm ready to really meet him. I got my bags packed.
One bag for him:

• I have a cute outfit for him. A onepiece underwear. A soft white shirt, white pants, and a little white jacket with hood. Some socks for his feet and a hat just in case.
• Then some tiny diapers. Four of them, probably way more than I'll need. And Whipes.
• I washed the car seat. This lady gave me an infant car seat and a stroller for $25. That was really nice of her.
• And two thin receiving blankets and one fleece blanket that is blue and has a little fire truck in one corner.

Some days I think of him and miss him. I don't want him out of me so that I don't have to carry all that weight in my belly anymore. But I want to hold him. I want to see him. I want to snuggle with him. I want to see his little fingers and his little tues.

Some days I want to push him back up, so he won't come out for a while. Those days I am stressed out. When I don't know if I have everything for him, that I'll need. When I don't know if I have enought money for the month, or if he needs something. When I feel like everything is overwhelming me, I just want to keep him inside of me where he is safe.

But today is my due date, his due date. Happy Birthday little friend.